Their songs were about this perfect, better person I could become, if I would just get my shit together and be less lazy and be less anxious and be more serene and organized and effective and beautiful and perfect and good.
But the more I visited the church, the more I noticed that my choices and ideas about myself mostly came from them. It was as if I was worshipping at the same church every day without even knowing it. What does that mean, exactly? It means that I walked around looking for proof that my Church of Hating Me was a valid one. Every hint of hesitation from other people, every faint whiff of neutrality or mixed feelings or mild disapproval felt like an outright rejection.
And each rejection and perceived rejection added to the enormous pile of proof that I was bad and I should fix myself. Here is my misbehaving child, because I am a bad mother.
I had to go back to the church and study the basic beliefs of my religion in order to overthrow those beliefs. Even when the misunderstanding was preposterous — they thought I was incredibly full of myself, say, when I walked around all day feeling jittery with self-doubt — I was still beholden to those interpretations.
I felt like it was my duty to fix myself based on their misperceptions, even when there was nothing to fix.
My sense is that a lot of women in particular feel unbelievably accountable to other people in general. That was one of the horrors of the Kavanaugh hearings.
While Kavanaugh himself was shocked and enraged that someone of his standing should ever be held accountable for his past actions not to mention held accountable for his lies about those actions , Christine Blasey Ford seemed anxious to apologize not just for gaps in her memory or any inability to understand the question.
She seemed to wince every time she was misunderstood, as if that was her fault. A lot of us recognized our own shame in her demeanor. But just think about how absurd it is, to collect and make meaning out of every time someone misunderstands you — not to mention every time you unfairly misunderstand yourself.
It leads to a fundamental misunderstanding of your own motives and desires and beliefs. What do I like more than independent, sarcastic, analytical, anxious women who like to be alone?
Consequence of Sound. Chicago Tribune. Retrieved October 24, Entertainment Weekly. Archived from the original on April 10, Retrieved September 14, The Guardian. Los Angeles Times. Rolling Stone.
In Brackett, Nathan; Hoard, Christian eds. The Village Voice. February 20, Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression. How to Cultivate Happiness That Lasts. We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back.
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Most often, nothing bad comes of it. Often, it is his way of expelling the tension he holds within. Unfortunately, some men are not good at drawing the line and act irresponsibly by saying mean or ugly things to their wives which they come to later regret. Advise your husband you have no tolerance for such times when his mood swings turn into abuse and engulf you. Get up and go somewhere. It is up to your husband now to behave like an adult and show you the respect you deserve.
Leave a Reply. Does your ex or husband get angry with you all the time over the smallest things? Do you feel like anything you say or do will only serve to irritate your husband? Are you married to a stinker of a husband who can only find fault with all that you do? It is when he turns his fussiness upon you that things can start going south. It may be your husband has blown a gasket and is leaking all kinds of pent-up emotions.
Maybe he is just being a real ass. So what causes him to treat you this way? Depending on where he falls, the way you will want to address this matter will vary. So what is really going on with your man? After awhile, the whole thing can turn into a real cluster frack. This is when things can take a turn for the worst. Throw it all together and spin and shake it around, you have the makings of a miserable time.
But he may not be comfortable with that. Such is the evolution of our emotions as they can quickly take a firm grip on our demeanor. We are all annoying to varying degrees, right? So why not acknowledge it to each other? This happens to us all. So start thinking of ways to meet your goals.
Do you need to go back to school? Revamp your resume? Hang out with different people? These things are all totally attainable, if you are willing to try. When life isn't going as planned, it's normal to feel like you're the only one who has bad luck.
But keep in mind that nothing could be further from the truth. Again, it's never easy to start over, or to fix your life once it's gone astray. But it is possible. So stick to that positive attitude, try new things, and soon your life will be back on track.But I do believe if a relationship is going to grow, both spouses need to find a common ground to convey things to each other, to help each other. Now, if your husband is constantly berating you for doing this wrong or that wrong and complaining about you in all sorts of ways; this is not the stuff from which healthy communications emerge.